BLOG USE: ALL TIME LOW

November and December of 2009 Mark an all time low in blog usage. I felt a little guilty so I posted this to make myself feel better. enjoy.
Ben

A DISSERTATION ON BAGLES

Recently, I have fallen in love with bagles and everything bagle. They are possibly the most delicious food item ever seen by man. Yesterday at the grocery store I discovered strawberry cream cheese. It might sound a little gay but a toasted blueberry bagle smothered with strawberry cream chese is possibly the tastiest thing I have ever eaten. It feels like an orgasm for my tastebuds. its Bagleicious. Try it yourself, they have them at tim hortons.

Out,
Ben

(GGSA)

Dear Friends & Readers,

I think I am an unfortunate victom of Gay Genetic Sexual Attraction (GGSA). Perhaps all this time living in peterborogh is really getting to me. I was just on a date with a girl who drove a black Mazda stickshift. Exactly like a Carola, only a step above, no?

Warm Regards,
Benjamin J. McColl

Things that Make me Feel Akward

#1 Automatic Doors

has this ever happened to you before? Someone will stand infront of an automatic door for you and let you walk through it once its opened? This always confuses me. I never know what to say. Its an AUTOMATIC door....it would have opened itself for christ sakes. thats the point of them. Are you supposed to thank this person? they hardly did anything.

#2 Bras

I admit it. Sometimes I have bad luck with bra straps. they can be difficult. sometimes you just cant get them undone. whats especially frustrating is when the clips are at the front and you think there at the back. Tricky. Alchol usually dosent make the problem any easier either.

#3 Crossing the Road

Yesterday I went to cross the road. it was late and there was only one car on the whole street. I was gunnah wait for this single car to pass and then cross...but he slowed down and let me go first. What the hell man? theres nobody behind you. You didnt have to stop. I was gunnah cross anyways....but I guuess it is kinda polite so I shouldnt complain.

#4 Randoms

People who dont know you but talk toyou like youve met before. This is akward because then you pretend you know the person and try to bullshit..."oh yea! I remember you from that party!" but they reply with "no i dont think weve met"....then dont pretend we have! Jerk.

Home Sweet Home

Hey Y'all

Back in the peterpat. Just a quick shout to let you know that more blog posts are on the way!

benny

Questions I Want Answers to...

1) If a plane crashes and the back box always survives because its indestructible, why don't they just built the whole plane outta that shit?

2) Do penguins have knees?

3) Are there reserved spaces for non-disabled people at the special Olympics?

4) If we know the speed of light what is the speed of dark?

5) If you have one eye are you winking or blinking?

6) Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Where the hell are they? Do they exist?

7) If we are here to help others what the hell are the others doing?

8) If god is all powerful could he create something too heavy for him to lift? and if he couldn't lift it is he really all powerful?

9) Who put the "S" in Lisp. that wasn't very smart...

10) If superman can deflect bullets with his chest why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?

Can you answer these questions?...

Grizzly Encounters: What Not to Do

Dear Children,

Although these pictures are quite amazing and superior in quality, don't bother to take pictures when you encounter a Grizzly Bear on the side of the road. RUN! If you are unable to run play dead. Only experienced hitch hikers like myself should take the time to pose and take pictures of this ferocious beast. Again...dont try this at home.

BEN

Free Food Shelf

The free food shelf is a beautiful thing. Especially on a day like yesterday when I returned from an 8 hour hike. As you have probably guessed a free food shelf is a shelf in a hostel where the food is free. you leave food there if your going away and dont wanna take it with you. In my experience (which is quite extensive considering I have stayed in 7 different hostels and a crackhouse) the food on the free food shelf gets better depending on how exhausted you are. On days when you are very energized and feeling good there will be practically nothing on the shelf. a bag of flour and some seasoning salt if your lucky. But on days when you are exhausted, better food seems to appear. Yesterday, for example, I found a can of Nutella (its expensive!) a box of stale croutons, a sausage and a quarter carton of milk! it was bliss! I had a feast on the front porch of the hostel. Cant wait to come home and have a steak and some chicken wings. with some mashed potatoes maybe?! wow...i just orgasmed thinking about it...Anyways. thats all for now. Train leaves today and 5 and home in 3 days. Got the keys to my house in Peterborough so I'm excited about that. According to Douglas we are in need of some more dishes. Glasses and utensils specifically. So if anyone could help us out that would be good...also...if there are any random blog followers (outside of family) send us your dishes!!! how jokes would that be...eating a meal next year and being like...hey...theese are the plates that guy from the internet sent us! cummon...do it...it would be a good story.
Much love and take care.
Benny Boy

Homeward Bound

Hello all

Just giving you the heads up/ warning that I am currently on my way home. Right now im in Jasper ans the train leaves at 5:30 tommorrow. Im down to my last $23 dollars but the trip has been great. Anyways...i should go because I only have 8 minutes of internet time left.
See ya soon,
Ben

Things I dont Understand about Vancouver

There are a few things I dont understand about this wonderful city. they are as follows.

1. The Gay District

The gay district I get and everything but what about China town? Does china town have a gay district? If so...are stright white guys allowed in? or Just gay asians? or just any asian regardless of sexual orientation. Very confusing.And why do people hate gays so much? Most gay people around here are better dressed and more polite than ANY straight person ive EVER seen! Be thankful their into balls! If they were straight we'd be screwed!

2. Chinatown

Why is it called China town when people there are from every Asian country. Korea, Singapore, Japan. Isnt calling it china town a little insensitive?

3. Homeless People

The homless people here have Gameboys for Christ sake!!! I dont even have a fucking gameboy. What do they need change for...so they can buy batteries? Another thing. I gave one $2 the other day...which I think is quite generous to give a homeless person...only to be replied with "I'm trying to get lunch...do u have a $5 or anything". HOLY SHIT! Ambitious little fuckers arent they?

4. Australians

Australians dont say "How ya doing" or "Hows it going" Instead they combine these two statements and greet you with "How ya goin?" Sometimes followed with "mate". This always perplexes me. I have to take a moment to work through a streneous thought process before I respond. how am I going?...well...I know WHERE im going...and I know HOW im doing...but how the hell am I going? Jesus i dunno. Ironically we seem to understand Australian greeting customs as well as they understand ours. Ever tried nodding at an Aussie? It trips them out...they reply with a confused look. They dont know what to do. Yesterday one of them shrugged his shoulders as if he didnt understand. it was great.

5. Starbucks

What the hell is it with Starbucks. They ask me what size I want. Usually a medium. Apparently this term dosent exist within the confines of starbucks. You mean a Grande sir? fuck...I dont know....a size thats larger than a small but smaller than a large? Do you have that? Is all the italian vernacular really fucking nessicary? Just gimmi my damn coffee. Screw it...im going to Timmies.

Vancouver!

Hello everyone!
Finally made it to Vancouver...things are getting a little sketch as I am down to my last $200 or so dollars..but I cant complain too much...last night I had steak and potatoes with a bottle of wine...I needed a little break from Kraft Dinner...and dont worry...everything was on sale. Vancouvers pretty sweet but its really hot and muggy. Not good backpacking weather. Yesterday I checked into the Hostel and down the beach and around Stanley Park.I saw a crab!!! A big one apparently. I'm going back there today with a girl I met (over a glass of wine...actually it was a mug) so I will bring my camera this time. Right now its 6 in the morning. Ive already been up for an hour and had a shower...I cant fall back asleep...the guy on the top bunk snores...so im charging my ipod and watching house online waiting for the free breakfast to start. Not much else to say really...Im planning on taking the train home from Jasper on the 31st but dont know if my money will last that long. IF i go back to Lake Louise I could volunteer there for 4 hours a day for a free room...but if I come home on the 31st I will have been out here a month and maybe it will be time to come back. Also thinking about stopping in Sudbury to see a friend for a few nights.

Hello from Alberta!

Hello fans!

Just reporting in from Alberta...I think theres more friggin Aussie's here than there is Canadians...im begging to talk with an accent. My buddy Sam (from Australia) let me borrow his laptop....its soooo tiny....like half the size of a regular laptop. Hes gone up to see his friend in another room and Im dissapointed to say that he dosent have Waltzing Matilda in his itunes library :(. Well...everything is good. got a ride to Banff with some hippies today. Lots of snow tonight. Might check out the hot springs or the gondola tomorrow. No Grizzly bears yet. YET. dont worry...im sure thell be lots. coolest thing ive seen so far is some crazy sheep...didnt they do a show with Neil Young once? Also saw some neat ground hog/meerkat thingers...columbia icefeilds was dope and the mountains are amazing. Hope to have some pics soon!
night y'all
brn

Thats All Folks!

And so it is that my time living in Gzowski rez has come to and end. The final exam has been written, the final bag packed, the final...i dunno im out. as Chun would say "Its been one hell of a trip!" Tonight I move out and back into my house in the Hamptons. Hopefully it will be a good summer. I'm going out west for a few weeks to BC. Hopefully I will have some good stories upon my return. And its not like the good times are over now. Next year I'm living in a house with Doug and our other buddie Nelson. Currently we are on the search for some fresh water jellyfish...we plan on having a fishtank. we are also on the market for a pool table, a urinal, a clap on disco ball, and one of those crazy bookcases that spins around to reveal a secret room...just like in scooby doo. If you can help us out let us know. Just wanted to thank anyone who reads this for the support. its been an awesome year and I've had a lot of encouragement from family and friends. See you when im back from BC...if I come back

ben

SOME QUICK RULES FOR KEGGERS

So I was at a kegger last night. it was the last one of the year and to tell you the truth it was the only decent one Ive been too this far. I have devised a quick list of rules for all kegger goers that will help keep you alive at any kegger. they are listed in order of importantce.

Rule #1: NEVER drop your cup

Rule #2: Never drop your cane (unless you can get another cup)

Rule #3: Always pre-drink! if in a hurry predrink on the bus.

Rule #4: Try not to push and shove on your way to the keg. only throw elbows when you need to

Rule #5: Stay behind fat people. Often they are a direct route to the keg. No body gets in their way.

Rule #6: if you are have resorted to throwing elbows and sticking with the fat guy in the room loudy threaten "This keg is not very handicap accissible! I'm putting a complaint in with the City!" -people get outta the way pretty fast.

Rule #7: Despite the chaos try to be polite. Mind your manners by with "excuse me" "pardon me" and "shit...sorry....i didnt know she was ur girlfriend"

Rule #8: Every 20 minutes or so walk over to the nearest con ed girl and explain to her that "Shes the cutest girl in the entire con ed program..."

Rule #9: Always wear cologne and chew gum in hopes that those around you are doing the same. You really notice things when your face is being pushed into someones back, or someone elses face is 3 inches from yours.

Rule #10: Never get up at 9:00 the next morning and attempt to write a blog. it probably wont work out.

My Plan to Make Rice...

Okay...so I was out grocery shopping the other day and came across some packages of Spanish rice. They looked freaking yummy so I bought some. Little did I realize that you cant make rice without the use of a stove. It's sidekicks rice so i figured it was instant you know? Like you just poor some boiling water on top and there you have it? Like Mr Noodles or something....anyways....turns out rice like that dosent exist. So right now I am in a bit of a pickle because like i said I dont have a stove...or even a pot...i just figured I could make this stuff with my kettle. But this rice looks DELICIOUS so im not gunnah get discouraged easily. I am a resourceful individual and have thought up a foolproof plan to make some yummy rice.

Phase 1: Borrow Chuns kettle and boil some water in my kettle too. Have both kettles boiling simultaneously.

Phase 2: Pour rice into bathroom sink and plug drain

Phase 3: Pour boiling water from Kettle #1 into the sink over the rice. Quickly refil the kettle and wait for the water to boil again

Phase 4: As Kettle #1 is comming to a boil poor Kettle #2 into the sink. Quickly refil and wait for the water to boil.

Phase 5: Repeat stages 3-4, alternating kettles as many times as needed. Eventually all the water in the sink should be brought to a boil. After about 20-25 minutes of boiling the rice should be thoroughly cooked and after standing for 5 minutes should be ready to enjoy!

This plan will be hard but im sure it will be worth it. If there are any suggestions please feel free to leave a commnent.

Content Warning

Hello everyone. I would just like to inform you that being the clever person that I am I have put a content warning on my blog. it reads as follows:

"The blog that you are about to view may contain content only suitable for adults. In general, Google does not review nor do we endorse the content of this or any blog. For more information about our content policies, please visit the Blogger Terms of Service"

This means there will be no more complaining about the "crude language" or "stupid stories that make you look like a drug addict" displayed in my blog. Ive said it before and ill say it again....life is not a Disney movie...so if you have something to say DONT. You agreed to it. so shuttup.

PS: Harley if you're reading this CLOSE THE WINDOW IMMEDIATLTY! you are not and adult...suka. :P

Yo Grandma!

Yo Grandma! How you doin? For those of you who dont know, my Grandma is the loyalist out there. She follows my Blog religiously....she even prints off every individual post and saves them in a little book! it makes me feel loved. Anyways...just wanted to say Hey to you Grandma! I plan on calling you sometime this week so u can tell me how ur trip was! I also just wanted to tell you that I was partyin hard with Carson this week! He's the guy I used to chill with at ur trailer in the summer. Ignore the inebriated look on my face....I just had a head rush from all the pepsi I was drinking. Anyways...Carson says hi. Heres a pic for you....i hope it finds its way into the scrapbook! Talk to you soon. <3

House Hunting

Your Horoscope - Today, March 8, 2009
You are unstoppable today, dear Ben! And woe to anyone who tries to cross you. But there is no need to be violent, or to express your wishes too aggressively. No one will dare to try and alter your plans, as your sheer force of will is enough to make things happen as you want them to. Onwards and upwards!


You hear that everyone?! Dont $%#% with me today! It may be a little too late to say that, ive had a pretty rough day but thats a story for tomorrow. I was house hunting and im worried someones gunnah beat me to the lease. Apparently not though....due to my sheer force of will! anyways...ill make a post tomorrow. Until then...Onwards and Upwards....haha. Man i sound like an evil dictator with this shit! i love it! peace!

Hello!
I know its been a while since my last post but I just wanted to let you all know that in my recent weeks of blog inactivity I have contenplated becoming an artist. not just any artist, a graphic artist! I downloaded this wicked program for my tablet which has allowed me to unleash my artistic abilities. The above are my most recent works of art. Please keep in mind that it took several hours of hard work for me to complete these fabulous paintings. Please do not reproduce or use them in any fashion without MY permission. If anyone is interested in buying a reprint, please do not hesitate to contact me.

PS: i also drew a really awesome dragon fly....all by myself....but it didnt get saved :(

<3 Kozy Shack <3

After recently consuming a 624g container of "Kozy Shack Cinnamon Rasin Rice Flan" in several seconds we are still hungry for more. (we have decided that the use of the word pudding does not meet our standards of prestigousness. In search of true justice we have decided to call all things in regards to Kozy Shack Flan) We have sent to Kozy Shack inquiring where we can purchas mass quantites of their product. The Letter is as follows:

Dear Kozy Shack,

First of all we would to start by expressing our utmost gratitude in regards to your amazing products. Life would not be complete without the sweet taste of Kozy Shack Rice Pudding. Its wholesome milk, high quality grains of rice, and superb selection of raisins and whole eggs blend together in a delicious concoction of heavenly bliss. Our profound love for this divine product has our taste buds begging for more. Our longing for this product is SO great that the small quantities of Kozy Shack Rice pudding in our local supermarkets is not sufficing. We would like politely enquire how and where purchase this product in larger quantities. Your reply would be ever so greatly appreciated.

Regards,

Ben McColl & Douglas Drevniock

PS: We would also like to ask if Kozy Shack apparel is currently on the market. If possible, we would love to show our pride for your product by wearing any available Kozy Shack clothing or accessories.

A JOHN GEARIN MOMENT

Hey everyone.

Extremley exhausted this week. Havent even had time to think I've had so many assignments, and theres more comming up! AGHHHH! Anyways...I just wanted to say hello and dedicate this blog post to John Gearin. John...I dont know if your reading this but I bet your jealous if you are! :P Moosehead all the way!

Ben

okay....so I know its been a while...but I really dont feel like writing anything....I have an english essay to write. But here....take a look at these awesome pictures!!!

.....please refrain from touching yourself...especially in regards to the first one. Speaking of which....if I were to have sex with my clone...(the one in the picture) does that count as masterbation? Hows that for a weeks worth of food for thought? :P

PEACE!

BIRTHDAY!!!! PART 2

Hello all! Im tired and very sore from skiing (Oh my god..do i sound like my mom?! I just turned 19!!!) so this post wont be very long, I just wanted to thank everyone for comming to my birthday. thanks for the awesome presents and wicked mail. cornbread and chilli were great. thanks for comming and we'll see you all soon... Ben

PS: The beautiful young lady is the pictures below is my girlfriend Leigh who always complains of never getting mentioned in my blog of awesomeness! I love her SO MUCH and the cologne she got my for my birthday smells lovley.

....happy now babe? :P

Pink AND blue for Ann and Ben!
Ben and Leigh!

Awsome Cards!


Awesomer Alcohol!!

BIRTHDAY!!!!

As you all know...or all should know...its almost my birthday. Its on January 17th to be exact....and usually on someones birthday, they receive cards by friends and loved ones. WHILE were on the topic I would just like to point out that I have recieved no mail during my stay here at Trent, despite the frequent opportunities. I am overcome by a feeling of despise and heartbreak every time I walk by the mailboxes. I usually see several kids struggling to carry heaping packages of cookies, beautifully wrapped gifts, or hand written letters from the people they love most. yet I know my mailbox remains empty. I would just like to express my sheer frustration and disappointment to all readers out there. You all read my blog religiously....yet what do I have to show for it? NOTHING!...not a single piece of fan mail. but its not too late yet. My birthday is approaching, but approaching quickly. If you have it in your heart to send some love to a poor, hungry, lonesome university student, now is your chance to defrost your cold, dead, frozen hearts, and show some warmth. All mail can be sent to:

Benjamin McColl
Room #427
Gzowski College
2510 Pioneer Road
Peterborough, ON
K9J 7B8


On a final note I enjoy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (no raisins) large denominations of cash, the keys to expensive sports car, or a romantic evening with your daughter...but a simple greeting would do. DONT FORGET!

TEA CUP HEIST

Hello loyal readers. I am here to tell you about my latest adventure...but I must be short and sweet as I am a busy man and have things to do!

The other day I was having a delicious lunch with my 4W homegirl Kaitlin. We finished eating and when we were scraping our dishes into the compost (which I always do because I am SO enviromentally friendly) I noticed a large crate of coffee mugs on the floor. Mugs or any type of dishes are great to have around rez, but us students never want to pay. Infact, I am a frequent borrower of cafeteria cutlery and dishes, and these mugs were beauties, so quicker then you could say....i dunno.....something people say really fast....we loaded up our bags, purses, pockets, and I even put one under my hat. We didnt stick around to examine our haul, but quickly made back to 4West with our loot. when I got back to four west I examined the booty and to my great dissapointment they werent coffee mugs at all! they were tea cups! but hey....atleast there cute i guess? make your own judgements. the picture is below.

all for now!
Ben

2ND POST OF 2009!!!

okay...so I forgot to make a big deal about the first post of the new year. I was going to do that. that was the plan. I was gunnah have a special post just for that, with the title "FIRST POST OF 2009!" ...or something flashy like that, but I messed up and forgot. so um....heres the second post of the year. woo hoo. anyways im going to Psyc now. see ya.

Benjamin J. McColl's Magical Cure to Anything

This morning I found myself rather sick. I was quite congested and had a mild headache. I contenplated suicide but decided it would be easier to just try and get better. So i devised the following plan as a remedy:

Step 1-Have hot shower (while trying not to trip on your roommates shower neccessities).

Step 2-Get on Bus while listening to some mellow Eric Clapton or Jimi Hendrix (but only from his Blues album, any other Hendrix would be too much to handle with a cold like this).

Step 3-Get off bus at Terminal, and buy "Vicks Vapo Rub!" from nearby drug store.

Step 4-Return to drugstore and buy Halls, which you forgot to buy the first time.

Step 5- Locate a coffee shop and purchase a large Caramel Latte.

Step 6- Have another hot shower and, instead of putting clothes back on, lie naked on bed. Apply medicines and consume a gigantic bar of solid milk chocolate as you do so.

These 6 easy to follow steps made me feel much better. After thorough research I have concluded that this remedy may be a cure to any disease known to man.... AIDS, Cancer, even Chickenpox. It dosent even matter if your sick. it will STILL make you feel better. Give it a try yourself. It works.